Money, Money, Money

I have been wondering.  Just when does frugality morph into being downright cheap?
I like to think I am frugal in many ways.  I reuse dryer sheets, I do my wash in cold water.  I keep my house cool all winter, too cool from what some people tell me.  I don't turn lights on unless I am in the room.  I never buy clothes that aren't on sale with the exception of shoes and that's only because shoes in my size are so rare, one doesn't quibble.  My car is fifteen years old.  I like to eat out but I usually have a coupon of gift card I have earned in some way.  I mow my own lawn and  shovel my own snow. I do as much of the opening and closing of my pool as I can. (Once chemistry enters the picture, all bets are off). I am not afraid to spend money on things that are important to me, but the reason I am able to do that is I am very careful in those areas of my life that I don't care so much about.
I have two friends who have next to no disposable income.  One lost their house to foreclosure several years ago when her husband's business failed.  The other came perilously close to losing her house last year after several financial setbacks.  They re both frugal by necessity, but it's a quiet frugality, not spending more than they have no matter the circumstance.  When I can, it gives me great pleasure to treat them to a meal or a movie because I know they are both generous spirits and would do the same for me in a heartbeat if they could.
On the other hand I used to work with two people who also needed to watch their pennies, but in my estimation they were cheap.  When we would go out to eat as a group, one would order with abandon and then announce when her $30 bill arrived that she had only brought $20.  Someone in the group would inevitably feel sorry for her and pick up the slack. I have now known this woman for almost ten years and I have never seen her buy anyone even a stick of gum.  The other coworker joined us one night and declined when the waitress asked her if she wanted to order anything.  When everyone else's food arrived, she proceeded to sample everyone else's food.  That's cheap.
I was reminded of all this recently by someone I interact with on a regular basis who seems to have taken a page from "The Sampler" I just told you about.  He doesn't go so far as not ordering anything, but he continually eats other's leftovers or or let's folks buy him part of his meal.  Believe me when I tell you there is no financial reason for him to be at the mercy of everyone else at the table.  He is just cheap.
Several years ago I had someone tell me he didn't know how anyone got by on less than $100,000 a year.  It was all I could do not to laugh in his face.  What did he think I was earning per year? Add to this the fact that he borrowed money from me and multiple other people ALL THE TIME and it seems clear his problem was not one of gross annual income, but one of poor fiscal management.  A little frugality would have gone a long way in that household.
Having said all that, I am a fan of frugality.  Why waste money? (As a side note, why waste anything?) At this age I have figured out that money, or the lack of it can transform relationships for good or bad, but the difference between being frugal and being cheap is one of selfishness.  While one posing as frugal cannot hide their cheapness and selfish motives
if you're observant, someone with a generous, selfless spirit can never be cheap, no matter how frugal.