Mom's Talk

This summer I enrolled my son in a sports camp. He loved it and learned a lot of new skills. I quickly realized that apparently I needed to learn a few new skills as well.

I was wholly unprepared to deal with not only some overly-competitive parents, but my son’s competitive nature as well. I thought as his mother I knew my child better than anyone, but the level of his competitive spirit was surprising to me. I came home each day from camp wondering if I should encourage him to dampen his competitive spirit or is being a little competitive normal and healthy?

Competition can be healthy for children. Through competing, children learn the value of hard work and by setting the bar a little higher, it can help children work to achieve goals. It can also help develop teamwork, leadership and coping skills. When healthy competition is coupled with good parenting and positive role models it helps to foster good sportsmanship. But, if you have a child that is over competitive, this needs to be addressed. It is perfectly normal for children (and adults) to want to win all the time so it is not necessary to completely extinguish your child’s competitive fire, but it is important to explain that the reason for competing is to have fun, make friends and learn from the experience.

Perhaps I’m too hard on my kids but I think it is important for our children to learn to fail sometimes and not succeed at everything. In our house, we do not believe in letting our children win when we play family games. To be a well-rounded child, they need to learn to lose graciously. Challenging our children can be good and setting the bar low so that our kids will always do well can cause problems for them in the future. No one is the best at everything and everyone fails sometimes. Children need to learn to deal with and learn from failure.  We all have to work to find our strengths and weaknesses. There is nothing wrong with working to challenge our children to enhance those strengths but not to the detriment of other areas of life.

Unfortunately, too often over-competitive parents or coaches are sending children the wrong message – “Win at all costs.”  This kind of attitude teaches children that it is only the result that matters, not whether the child enjoys the competition. It can also lead to self esteem issues if the child doesn’t live up to their parents’ expectation.  This is a difficult situation and can turn into a dangerous situation.  When you encounter this kind of situation it is important you discuss this with your child and explain the proper ways to behave. As parents, we can explain to our children that it is important to try hard and do your best but the most important thing is that he/she enjoys what they are doing.